When I first read the Cathederal Builders story that I posted below, I posted it on a mom's group I'm on. It seemed like a recurring theme on that forum, and other groups with a high concentration of SAHMs, is "what is my purpose" which honestly, I've never understood (not in a "how can you feel that way?" sense, but in a "I've never felt that way" sense). Once we decided to have children, I knew I wanted to stay home with them. While I thoroughly enjoyed my "career" pre-kids, I left it without looking back (though I wish the company hadn't dissolved soon after I left, because I would have enjoyed being able to stop by occasionally & see my friends from there). Just as I left college when I graduated, and while I missed PEOPLE, I didn't miss "school", I saw full time motherhood as the "next step" not as leaving something behind per se. Since being home, I've enjoyed the freedom to devote time to causes that are important to me, start a home business, and start some new hobbies. I love that we can so sledding when it snows, make cookies when the mood strikes, and NOT have to drive in the snow . . . So, on a personal level, I don't understand the "who am I" conundrum that seems to plague so many SAHMs. That said, when I posted the cathedral builders forward on a mom's group forum of primarily SAHMs, I was still shocked to have a couple moms tell me flat out "that's not enough for me!" I need to be publicly recognized for MYSELF!
Now, for one thing, I'm SO not an "up front" kind of person. I hate getting up front. One of the things that drove me INSANE about having infant twins was that it drew SO MUCH attention! I hated that a simple trip to the grocery store drew tons of attention from strangers. I don't like being the center of attention, or even near the center of attention, so to not be "publicly recognized" is my preference LOL.
BUT all that aside, it just seemed sad to me, to hear a mom say, straight out that raising happy, healthy, successful kids wasn't "enough" for her.
It also reminded me of when I was working outside the home (pre-kids) and a new mom came back from maternity leave & was complaining that when she & her husband & baby went to visit her parents now, her parents greeted the baby before they greeted her, and how much that bothered her. I didn't have kids yet, but I just couldn't comprehend that thinking. I would find it odd if my parents didn't greet the kids first (assuming we were all there, if they went into the other room to look at a sleeping baby w/o saying hi to me, I might feel abit slighted), and of course now that they're not babies, I think it would be impossible, though I suppose if I ran really fast I could get to the door first, and by sheer size advantage be the first to see/greet/be greeted by whoever was at the door.
So much of the "parenting advice" &/or "questions from new parents" that I see is centered on how to fit baby/kids into your life rather than molding your life to meet the needs of these wonderful blessings from God. And it's a sad commentary on society. And it's not just in non-Christian circles. When it comes to parenting advice/methods I would venture to say that the WORST "don't let the child disrupt your life" methods are from "experts" who call themselves Christian, and (mis)quote scripture to "prove" why we, as parents, should ignore our children.
And now, this week, the shooting in Omaha, according to the news reports, the suicide note read "I'm sorry, but now I'll be famous" so this young man was so driven to "make a name for himself", to be the exact OPPOSITE of the cathederal builders, that he was willing to kill himself and numerous innocent people to make a name for himself.
And THAT, in my not-so-humble opinion, is a major problem with the society we live in. It has become so "me-centered" that a person is willing to murder in order to have recognition. So me-centered that mothers, even Christian mothers, are more focused on building themselves up than building their children up.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Cathederal Builders
This was posted (as an e-mail forward) awhile back on a forum I visit sporatically:
I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense - the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone or cooking or sweeping the floor or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being.
I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"
I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"
I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30 , please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
-No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
-These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
-They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
-The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become .."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense - the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone or cooking or sweeping the floor or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being.
I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"
I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"
I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30 , please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
-No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
-These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
-They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
-The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become .."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Learning to Read
L informed me last weekend that she wanted me to teach her to read "tomorrow". While it's not quite that fast, we are actively working toward that goal. I pulled out the first "pre-reading" workbook from the series used by most SDA schools (or at least it was, I think they're phasing them out now, this is the "new readers" that were introduced when I was in 4th grade). And set both girls going through it. L's willing to work on it for longer stretches, A generally "catches up", or gets close, when she is doing it though. Honestly, I think if L didn't want this, A would have no interest, and initially I just pulled one workbook out for L, but A came over & wanted to do it too, so she is. They flew through the first part, which was colors and shapes and such that they totally know. Now it's going through the alphabet (out of order, not sure what, if any, "logic" there is to the order the letters are introduced,but whatever . . .) focusing on sounds (so for each sound they have to choose which words that start with that letter) with some focus on upper/lower case (which they still struggle with some, p b d q is rather confusing, when you think about it LOL) and on writing the letters. So still stuff they pretty much know, but they do at least have to think about it abit.
They're enjoying that it lets them use scissors & glue regularly :)
L's enjoying it, but is wanting to READ, and after last week (or the week before?) when she was sounding out words on the way home from the library, I figured she could try the Bob books that we got awhile back when A was saying she wanted to read. When we first got them and they started "learning to read" with them, they were just memorizing the books, based on the pictures (not doing the sight reading I was hoping they'd learn). So I pulled those out at bedtime last night and L gleefully read the first 2. I couldn't find book 3 last night, and trying to skip to book 4 was abit of a jump, so we convinced her that Daddy wanted to hear the first 2 books. She's SO proud of herself, and so excited to be "really reading" (and she is, to the point of not looking at the pictures to figure out the word when it would be obvious). Last night for some reason she really struggled w/ Sam (would sound it out but then when she tried to "put it together" she'd transpose the letters & say Sma) but stuck with it, and finally got it. During her bedtime prayer she thanked God for "that word that I couldn't read, thank you for helping me keep trying until I got it" (or something along the lines), tonight she sounded Sam out easily & correctly, on the first try, and was SO proud of herself :)
A has no interest in the Bob books, and last night did the same normal "reading" they usually do by quoting stories they've memorized (and ad libbing when they don't remember), but tonight she did show me the book she'd been looking at (while L read her first story) and pointed out the words "Ariel" "and" "Flounder" now, obviously she knew the words from having memorized the book, but she was actually LOOKING at the words, which is a start :)
Now honestly, I'd be perfectly happy to wait a couple more years to bother with such things, I strongly believe in "Better late than early" when it comes to academics, but I also believe in letting kids learn at their own pace, even if that pace is faster than I think it should be LOL. So, if they get bored with such things and decide to back off, that's fine with me, but for now, we seem to be focusing more on the reading workbook than we are on the preschool curriculum, shrug :)
They're enjoying that it lets them use scissors & glue regularly :)
L's enjoying it, but is wanting to READ, and after last week (or the week before?) when she was sounding out words on the way home from the library, I figured she could try the Bob books that we got awhile back when A was saying she wanted to read. When we first got them and they started "learning to read" with them, they were just memorizing the books, based on the pictures (not doing the sight reading I was hoping they'd learn). So I pulled those out at bedtime last night and L gleefully read the first 2. I couldn't find book 3 last night, and trying to skip to book 4 was abit of a jump, so we convinced her that Daddy wanted to hear the first 2 books. She's SO proud of herself, and so excited to be "really reading" (and she is, to the point of not looking at the pictures to figure out the word when it would be obvious). Last night for some reason she really struggled w/ Sam (would sound it out but then when she tried to "put it together" she'd transpose the letters & say Sma) but stuck with it, and finally got it. During her bedtime prayer she thanked God for "that word that I couldn't read, thank you for helping me keep trying until I got it" (or something along the lines), tonight she sounded Sam out easily & correctly, on the first try, and was SO proud of herself :)
A has no interest in the Bob books, and last night did the same normal "reading" they usually do by quoting stories they've memorized (and ad libbing when they don't remember), but tonight she did show me the book she'd been looking at (while L read her first story) and pointed out the words "Ariel" "and" "Flounder" now, obviously she knew the words from having memorized the book, but she was actually LOOKING at the words, which is a start :)
Now honestly, I'd be perfectly happy to wait a couple more years to bother with such things, I strongly believe in "Better late than early" when it comes to academics, but I also believe in letting kids learn at their own pace, even if that pace is faster than I think it should be LOL. So, if they get bored with such things and decide to back off, that's fine with me, but for now, we seem to be focusing more on the reading workbook than we are on the preschool curriculum, shrug :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
SNOW!!!
We had our first snow of the season today. It started snowing this morning between 7:30 & 8:00 am and pretty much kept snowing all day, though the total accumulation wasn't huge, I never heard the official numbers, and we don't have any good railings and such to easily estimate it. The girls spent all morning asking when they could go outside, so we finally went outside mid-day so I could shovel and they could play. Of course, the snow was coming down hard enough that the driveway was pretty much white again by the time I was done, but it at least got one layer off LOL.Then we went sledding. Not sure what it was, but J, the neighbor boy (9 or 10) couldn't get his sled to go down the hill worth anything, the girls, got on the sled together & took off. L even pulled the sled back UP the hill every time, so we didn't have the whining (on their part or my part LOL) about pulling the sled UP the hill. I think they would have stayed out there all day but once I was frozen solid I declared it time to come in. And they came in without too much complaining, the promise of hot chocolate helped, hee hee.
Anyway, they were THRILLED with the snow!! Both of them thanked Jesus for the snow during their bedtime prayers :)
Monday, December 3, 2007
Save Money, Save Your Health, Save the Earth
First, before I forget, this doesn't save you money personally, but does go a LONG way to helping save the earth. And that would be using reusable shopping bags instead of getting the millions of plastic grocery bags. Even if you put them in the recycling things at stores, it still uses resources to recycle them, so not taking them in the first place is the best option (the articles at www.reusablebags.com do a good job, IMO, of putting it all into perspective). Anyway . . . someone on a message board I'm on just posted this link where you can sign up for their birthday club & get a coupon for the rice stuff (no idea if it's any good or not) and a free reusable shopping bag, again, no idea what the bag's like, but hey, it's free! And while we're on the topic of reusable bags, other cheap/free ways of getting reusable bags is to go through your closets and find all the promotional tote bags you never use, and use those. You can also generally find tote bags like that at consignment shops for almost nothing. Or, more and more stores are selling reusable grocery bags for $1-$2. Whole Foods has nice ones, I end up using their bags, not only for grocery shopping (they're big enough to hold cereal boxes!) but also for all kinds of other things, including carrying my baby carrier collection to babywearing meetings, containing random "stuff" in the back of the car, taking a change of clothes . . . the list is really endless. And I noticed this weekend that Super Fresh has really PRETTY bags w/ pictures of animals & stuff on them for $1 . . .
Ok, now for something that will save your money & your health, not just the earth :)
Reduce your personal care products. There are all kinds of articles out there warning you of the dangers of the preservatives & such used in most personal care products, but the "natural" equivalents are pricey. But, doing without, or making your own, is super cheap, and healthier, and better for the environment (when you rinse that shampoo down the drain it's going into our water supply, and polluting the earth). So, some specific examples:
First babies/young kids. Seriously, they do not need ANY personal care products!! Soap, even "baby soap" is drying to their skin, and plain old water gets dirt off. Ditto with hair. When my girls were babies we used the normal Johnson & Johnson baby wash stuff, their hair drove me INSANE! It would get SOO matted, and so then I'd have to use the detangling spray (from J&J of course . . . coincidence?) to comb it. Then I learned about no using shampoo (for me) and so logically, if I'm not using it, why would I use it on my babies? BUT the baking soda & vinegar I was using on MY hair, wouldn't work on their hair, so I started using just water most of the time, and using a gentle, moisturizing bar soap(lavender w/o herbs) to wash their hair if it seemed to need it. Over time, I needed the soap less & less often so that in the last year or more the only time I've used soap on their hair was last winter when L was sick & threw up in her sleep, it took soap to get the smell out of her hair. We use soap on hands to kill germs, and sometimes my friend Angie gives the girls toy soaps as gifts so then they play with those in the bathtub until they're gone, but otherwise we don't bother. Once we stopped using shampoo on their hair, we stopped needing the detangling spray. Last winter when the static got really bad I did make a spray of distilled water (always use distilled water in spray bottles, the minerals in other water can clog the spray mechanism) with a little aloe vera added to it. If it was really bad I'd put a dab of coconut oil on my hands and work that through the ends of their hair to moisturize it.
Ok, now for the rest of us:
Hair: I already mentioned that I was using baking soda & vinegar on my hair, although last winter, after discussion on a simple living forum I was on, I went to not even using that, most of the time I just rinse my hair with water every couple of weeks, though I do still use the bs/vinegar once in a great while. I also will work a little coconut oil or jojoba oil through the ends once in a great while if they seem dry. Massaging my scalp to help work the natural oils down is also important with water only. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend going straight from shampoo to water only. I'd either do the bs/vinegar first or a friend of mine used a "natural" shampoo (not sure which brand, but one you'd buy at a health food store, not the drug store) but used less each time she washed her hair, and washed her hair only if she "needed" to.
I didn't use many "products" on my hair prior to starting all this natural stuff, so I don't have first hand experience with it, I know I've heard of people using flaxseed gel instead of hair gel. Mix ground flaxseeds w/ water and let it sit, it will form a "gel" store it in the fridge though.
You can color your hair with henna and it will actually be beneficial for your hair instead of frying it.
I'm not sure about hairspray, would love to hear others' ideas though.
Soap: Kind of like with the kids, why do we need so much soap? Soap is drying, and useful for killing germs but ummm . . . what germs are there on my stomach on the average day that I need to dry out my skin using soap in the shower? So, I stopped using it. I still use body wash to shave my legs. And when my face feels oily OR dry, I use sugar scrub or honey (generally alternate every other day, as needed) to clean/moisturize/exfoliate my face, but everywhere else, plain water works just fine.
Deodorant: Aluminum has been linked to Alzheimer's. All antiperspirants contain aluminum (as far as I know). Additionally, common sense says, we sweat to release toxins from our body, an antiperspirant keeps us from sweating, thus keeping our body from disposing of toxins efficiently. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me. There are various aluminum free deodorants available (at health food stores) but they tend to be pricey. So, I started reading about it, and experimenting, and here's what I came up with. Sweating is healthy & beneficial, we don't want to stop our bodies from releasing the toxins they need to release. BUT anyone who spends time near us would prefer that we not go au naturale either. What makes our underarms stink? It's bacteria that's released (those toxins, remember?). So, if you kill the bacteria, no stink. The most important thing, I've found, is to not let the bacteria get a "head start" on you. The days that I get up, and start rearranging furniture (ok, so that's not something I do very often, but something that leads to sweating. . . ) w/o taking a shower or anything, are the days that I start stinking, and once I'm to that point, I have to take a shower to get rid of the bacteria. If I spray deodorant (recipe in a moment) on BEFORE I start to stink, I can skip a shower once in awhile if I need to. My "deodorant" is as follows: fill a small spray bottle (the kind you'd put hair spray or whatever in for traveling) with regular white vinegar (vinegar kills germs/bacteria). Add a few drops of any or all of the following essential oils: Lavender, Tea Tree, Rosemary, Lemon. All of these are antibacterial, and I have all on hand for other uses, so I generally use them all, if you don't already have them, you can just use the TTO &/or Lavender EO that you bought last week for cleaning ;) Shake before each use, and spray onto your under arms each morning after your shower (and during your shower be sure to use a wash cloth (or those puffy things, if you prefer) and thoroughly wash your underarms with warm water). That's all there is to it. I have a small spray bottle thingy (got it at the dollar store, I think it's designed to keep perfume in, in your purse) that I have filled w/the same mixture and carry it in my purse. Once in a great while on really hot days I feel the need to "re-apply" but those are days that I'd probably WISH I had my regular deodorant to re-apply anyway. More often, I use the purse spray to (a) spray on our hands to clean them when we're not where we can wash our hands (remember, it's an antibacterial spray, that's what you want, to kill germs) (b) spray onto especially gross public surfaces that my kids were going to be touching or licking (shopping cart handles, fast food tables, toilet seats . . . you get the idea. I'm not overly concerned about such things, but if their immune systems are low &/or something looks especially icky, it's great to have) Just spray it on and then wipe it down w/ a napkin (or the cloth hankies that you carry in your purse so as to not have to use disposable tissues, but that's another post) (c) once or twice one of the kids has fallen and gotten a scrape that needs some serious disinfecting (gravel in it or whatnot) and for that I've used this same spray (it BURNS though, so for minor scrapes I use a small bottle of grapeseed oil (olive oil will work if you don't have grapeseed oil) w/ several drops of lavender EO in it. The lavender EO is antibacterial but also soothing/healing, and it doesn't hurt).
Makeup/Sunscreen: Mineral Makeup!!! It's really hard to do cost comparisons for this, yes, it appears to cost more, but you use so little that this stuff lasts FOREVER! And I love it! And oh yeah, the major (non-colored) ingredients in the foundation are zinc oxide & titanium dioxide, so it makes a great sunscreen too! I'm not at all a fan of sunscreen (that's another whole different post, that I'll probably save for spring LOL) but we do use it when we're going to be in the sun ALL day, which is pretty much only if we go to an amusement park or similar. Last summer (or maybe the one before) one of the times we went to Sesame Place, I put mineral makeup on my face/chest and sunscreen on my back. The only place I got sunburned was on my back! The mineral makeup worked better than sunscreen, and w/o all the carcinogens!
Liquid Hand Soap: Obviously we DO need to wash our hands, and the more often, the better. But the "antibacterial" soaps that are so prevalent, don't make things any "cleaner" than regular soap and are harmful in that they are producing antibiotic-resistant bacteria (see here). So, instead, buy a foamer bottle (disclaimer: I haven't tried Tupperware's, and in fact didn't know they made one. I got mine a few years ago by trading candles w/ another small business & don't remember who it was. But in general tupperware's stuff is good). Use distilled water (very important! Everyone I know who's used regular water, has ended up w/ a clogged foamer after awhile) and fill the foamer at LEAST 3/4, probably more like 7/8 with the distilled water. Then add a liquid castille soap (Dr. Bronners is the most well known brand, any pure castille soap will do). You can find it at health food stores, or some grocery stores, it's pricey, but see how little you're using! If you use unscented soap (bronners comes in yummy EO scents, so that's what I use) you can add a drop or 2 of EO to make it smell pretty. The foamer means you get a whole handful of "suds" w/ one pump, and it uses very little soap, so very inexpensive! Also great w/ kids, who can make a total mess w/ regular liquid soap.
Moisturizer: Well, when you're not drying your skin out w/ too much soap (making sure you drink plenty of water will help keep your skin naturally moisturized as well), you don't need as much moisturizer, but what you do use, go for quality! Lotions are primarily water, and then require preservatives to keep the water from growing bacterial. Body butters, or straight oils/butters don't have water in them (well, aren't supposed to, but read the ingredients, even at Whole Foods & such, I've noticed that many of the body butters are really just slightly thicker lotion) so don't need a preservative (healthier & not putting those chemicals into the water supply) and they're much more concentrated in their moisturizing. Shea butter is amazing stuff.
Since I use coconut oil for cooking, I usually wipe off the spoon w/ my finger & work that into my hands, and it's nice too. Jojoba oil is also good. Cocoa Butter, Mango Butter . . . all of these are natural moisturizers that are going to work better and longer and require you to use less, so in that sense it's saving money.
Ok, that's what I can think of. Feel free to leave a comment asking about other things, I don't promise to have answers, but I can let you know if I do know of an inexpensive/natural alternative.
Ok, now for something that will save your money & your health, not just the earth :)
Reduce your personal care products. There are all kinds of articles out there warning you of the dangers of the preservatives & such used in most personal care products, but the "natural" equivalents are pricey. But, doing without, or making your own, is super cheap, and healthier, and better for the environment (when you rinse that shampoo down the drain it's going into our water supply, and polluting the earth). So, some specific examples:
First babies/young kids. Seriously, they do not need ANY personal care products!! Soap, even "baby soap" is drying to their skin, and plain old water gets dirt off. Ditto with hair. When my girls were babies we used the normal Johnson & Johnson baby wash stuff, their hair drove me INSANE! It would get SOO matted, and so then I'd have to use the detangling spray (from J&J of course . . . coincidence?) to comb it. Then I learned about no using shampoo (for me) and so logically, if I'm not using it, why would I use it on my babies? BUT the baking soda & vinegar I was using on MY hair, wouldn't work on their hair, so I started using just water most of the time, and using a gentle, moisturizing bar soap(lavender w/o herbs) to wash their hair if it seemed to need it. Over time, I needed the soap less & less often so that in the last year or more the only time I've used soap on their hair was last winter when L was sick & threw up in her sleep, it took soap to get the smell out of her hair. We use soap on hands to kill germs, and sometimes my friend Angie gives the girls toy soaps as gifts so then they play with those in the bathtub until they're gone, but otherwise we don't bother. Once we stopped using shampoo on their hair, we stopped needing the detangling spray. Last winter when the static got really bad I did make a spray of distilled water (always use distilled water in spray bottles, the minerals in other water can clog the spray mechanism) with a little aloe vera added to it. If it was really bad I'd put a dab of coconut oil on my hands and work that through the ends of their hair to moisturize it.
Ok, now for the rest of us:
Hair: I already mentioned that I was using baking soda & vinegar on my hair, although last winter, after discussion on a simple living forum I was on, I went to not even using that, most of the time I just rinse my hair with water every couple of weeks, though I do still use the bs/vinegar once in a great while. I also will work a little coconut oil or jojoba oil through the ends once in a great while if they seem dry. Massaging my scalp to help work the natural oils down is also important with water only. And honestly, I wouldn't recommend going straight from shampoo to water only. I'd either do the bs/vinegar first or a friend of mine used a "natural" shampoo (not sure which brand, but one you'd buy at a health food store, not the drug store) but used less each time she washed her hair, and washed her hair only if she "needed" to.
I didn't use many "products" on my hair prior to starting all this natural stuff, so I don't have first hand experience with it, I know I've heard of people using flaxseed gel instead of hair gel. Mix ground flaxseeds w/ water and let it sit, it will form a "gel" store it in the fridge though.
You can color your hair with henna and it will actually be beneficial for your hair instead of frying it.
I'm not sure about hairspray, would love to hear others' ideas though.
Soap: Kind of like with the kids, why do we need so much soap? Soap is drying, and useful for killing germs but ummm . . . what germs are there on my stomach on the average day that I need to dry out my skin using soap in the shower? So, I stopped using it. I still use body wash to shave my legs. And when my face feels oily OR dry, I use sugar scrub or honey (generally alternate every other day, as needed) to clean/moisturize/exfoliate my face, but everywhere else, plain water works just fine.
Deodorant: Aluminum has been linked to Alzheimer's. All antiperspirants contain aluminum (as far as I know). Additionally, common sense says, we sweat to release toxins from our body, an antiperspirant keeps us from sweating, thus keeping our body from disposing of toxins efficiently. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me. There are various aluminum free deodorants available (at health food stores) but they tend to be pricey. So, I started reading about it, and experimenting, and here's what I came up with. Sweating is healthy & beneficial, we don't want to stop our bodies from releasing the toxins they need to release. BUT anyone who spends time near us would prefer that we not go au naturale either. What makes our underarms stink? It's bacteria that's released (those toxins, remember?). So, if you kill the bacteria, no stink. The most important thing, I've found, is to not let the bacteria get a "head start" on you. The days that I get up, and start rearranging furniture (ok, so that's not something I do very often, but something that leads to sweating. . . ) w/o taking a shower or anything, are the days that I start stinking, and once I'm to that point, I have to take a shower to get rid of the bacteria. If I spray deodorant (recipe in a moment) on BEFORE I start to stink, I can skip a shower once in awhile if I need to. My "deodorant" is as follows: fill a small spray bottle (the kind you'd put hair spray or whatever in for traveling) with regular white vinegar (vinegar kills germs/bacteria). Add a few drops of any or all of the following essential oils: Lavender, Tea Tree, Rosemary, Lemon. All of these are antibacterial, and I have all on hand for other uses, so I generally use them all, if you don't already have them, you can just use the TTO &/or Lavender EO that you bought last week for cleaning ;) Shake before each use, and spray onto your under arms each morning after your shower (and during your shower be sure to use a wash cloth (or those puffy things, if you prefer) and thoroughly wash your underarms with warm water). That's all there is to it. I have a small spray bottle thingy (got it at the dollar store, I think it's designed to keep perfume in, in your purse) that I have filled w/the same mixture and carry it in my purse. Once in a great while on really hot days I feel the need to "re-apply" but those are days that I'd probably WISH I had my regular deodorant to re-apply anyway. More often, I use the purse spray to (a) spray on our hands to clean them when we're not where we can wash our hands (remember, it's an antibacterial spray, that's what you want, to kill germs) (b) spray onto especially gross public surfaces that my kids were going to be touching or licking (shopping cart handles, fast food tables, toilet seats . . . you get the idea. I'm not overly concerned about such things, but if their immune systems are low &/or something looks especially icky, it's great to have) Just spray it on and then wipe it down w/ a napkin (or the cloth hankies that you carry in your purse so as to not have to use disposable tissues, but that's another post) (c) once or twice one of the kids has fallen and gotten a scrape that needs some serious disinfecting (gravel in it or whatnot) and for that I've used this same spray (it BURNS though, so for minor scrapes I use a small bottle of grapeseed oil (olive oil will work if you don't have grapeseed oil) w/ several drops of lavender EO in it. The lavender EO is antibacterial but also soothing/healing, and it doesn't hurt).
Makeup/Sunscreen: Mineral Makeup!!! It's really hard to do cost comparisons for this, yes, it appears to cost more, but you use so little that this stuff lasts FOREVER! And I love it! And oh yeah, the major (non-colored) ingredients in the foundation are zinc oxide & titanium dioxide, so it makes a great sunscreen too! I'm not at all a fan of sunscreen (that's another whole different post, that I'll probably save for spring LOL) but we do use it when we're going to be in the sun ALL day, which is pretty much only if we go to an amusement park or similar. Last summer (or maybe the one before) one of the times we went to Sesame Place, I put mineral makeup on my face/chest and sunscreen on my back. The only place I got sunburned was on my back! The mineral makeup worked better than sunscreen, and w/o all the carcinogens!
Liquid Hand Soap: Obviously we DO need to wash our hands, and the more often, the better. But the "antibacterial" soaps that are so prevalent, don't make things any "cleaner" than regular soap and are harmful in that they are producing antibiotic-resistant bacteria (see here). So, instead, buy a foamer bottle (disclaimer: I haven't tried Tupperware's, and in fact didn't know they made one. I got mine a few years ago by trading candles w/ another small business & don't remember who it was. But in general tupperware's stuff is good). Use distilled water (very important! Everyone I know who's used regular water, has ended up w/ a clogged foamer after awhile) and fill the foamer at LEAST 3/4, probably more like 7/8 with the distilled water. Then add a liquid castille soap (Dr. Bronners is the most well known brand, any pure castille soap will do). You can find it at health food stores, or some grocery stores, it's pricey, but see how little you're using! If you use unscented soap (bronners comes in yummy EO scents, so that's what I use) you can add a drop or 2 of EO to make it smell pretty. The foamer means you get a whole handful of "suds" w/ one pump, and it uses very little soap, so very inexpensive! Also great w/ kids, who can make a total mess w/ regular liquid soap.
Moisturizer: Well, when you're not drying your skin out w/ too much soap (making sure you drink plenty of water will help keep your skin naturally moisturized as well), you don't need as much moisturizer, but what you do use, go for quality! Lotions are primarily water, and then require preservatives to keep the water from growing bacterial. Body butters, or straight oils/butters don't have water in them (well, aren't supposed to, but read the ingredients, even at Whole Foods & such, I've noticed that many of the body butters are really just slightly thicker lotion) so don't need a preservative (healthier & not putting those chemicals into the water supply) and they're much more concentrated in their moisturizing. Shea butter is amazing stuff.
Since I use coconut oil for cooking, I usually wipe off the spoon w/ my finger & work that into my hands, and it's nice too. Jojoba oil is also good. Cocoa Butter, Mango Butter . . . all of these are natural moisturizers that are going to work better and longer and require you to use less, so in that sense it's saving money.
Ok, that's what I can think of. Feel free to leave a comment asking about other things, I don't promise to have answers, but I can let you know if I do know of an inexpensive/natural alternative.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Weekly Wrap-up
It seems like we spent all week trying to figure out when/what we were doing with the Christmas tree. We finally got it up & decorated on Friday. The girls thoroughly enjoyed decorating it, and re-discovering all our ornaments. They're old enough now to ask about the significance of the various ornaments, so I had fun telling them about at least some of them. They also observed that "all Daddy's ornaments are about sports" yup, pretty much.
We also went to the church this week so I could help Miss Kim in the SS room. While I did that A&L went w/ Kim's daughter, Hannah and did "crafts". They absolutely adore Hannah so happily played with her the whole time we were there, and were sad that we had to leave. And apparently Hannah (who is 9, so I worry that she'll get tired of them following her around) asked, as we were leaving, if she could come to our house while Kim took the rest of the kids to the library. It didn't work out, I was going grocery shopping, not straight home, and Kim didn't want to have to come to the other side of town to pick her up, but at least seemed to indicate that Hannah truly does enjoy spending time with the girls.
Yesterday in church I noticed that the church was having a skate night last night, so we decided to go to that. The girls decided they needed to "practice" first, so they skated outside at our house for awhile in the afternoon and then Daddy took them to the church for skate night while I went grocery shopping, and then joined the VBS planning meeting taking place during skate night.
When we unpacked the ornaments we also found a 24 pc nativity jigsaw puzzle that they'd gotten for Christmas last year. A really got into it, figured it out all by herself and has been doing it at least twice a day the last couple of days. L did it once, w/ some help, and then was done.
When A was being less than thrilled that I was going grocery shopping w/o her last night, I explained that the weather report was saying we might get ice or snow overnight, so I needed to go to the grocery store before the roads got icy. So this morning, the second she was out of bed, A went to the window, looked out, and said "there's no ice or snow, you could have gone to the grocery store today!" Well yes, dear but. . . :)
Today I pulled out a candycane pick-up-sticks game I'd gotten on clearance a couple years ago. It took them a couple times through to figure out the strategy of it, and A seems to "get" it better than L at this point, L is more concerned about getting red ones (since red is like pink) then actually looking to see which are on top. But they're enjoying it, and something that takes a steady hand is a new concept for my whirlwind kids :)
Now L has moved on and are using the sticks as "candles" and singing "This Little Light of Mine" and A is playing the game by herself.
We also went to the church this week so I could help Miss Kim in the SS room. While I did that A&L went w/ Kim's daughter, Hannah and did "crafts". They absolutely adore Hannah so happily played with her the whole time we were there, and were sad that we had to leave. And apparently Hannah (who is 9, so I worry that she'll get tired of them following her around) asked, as we were leaving, if she could come to our house while Kim took the rest of the kids to the library. It didn't work out, I was going grocery shopping, not straight home, and Kim didn't want to have to come to the other side of town to pick her up, but at least seemed to indicate that Hannah truly does enjoy spending time with the girls.
Yesterday in church I noticed that the church was having a skate night last night, so we decided to go to that. The girls decided they needed to "practice" first, so they skated outside at our house for awhile in the afternoon and then Daddy took them to the church for skate night while I went grocery shopping, and then joined the VBS planning meeting taking place during skate night.
When we unpacked the ornaments we also found a 24 pc nativity jigsaw puzzle that they'd gotten for Christmas last year. A really got into it, figured it out all by herself and has been doing it at least twice a day the last couple of days. L did it once, w/ some help, and then was done.
When A was being less than thrilled that I was going grocery shopping w/o her last night, I explained that the weather report was saying we might get ice or snow overnight, so I needed to go to the grocery store before the roads got icy. So this morning, the second she was out of bed, A went to the window, looked out, and said "there's no ice or snow, you could have gone to the grocery store today!" Well yes, dear but. . . :)
Today I pulled out a candycane pick-up-sticks game I'd gotten on clearance a couple years ago. It took them a couple times through to figure out the strategy of it, and A seems to "get" it better than L at this point, L is more concerned about getting red ones (since red is like pink) then actually looking to see which are on top. But they're enjoying it, and something that takes a steady hand is a new concept for my whirlwind kids :)
Now L has moved on and are using the sticks as "candles" and singing "This Little Light of Mine" and A is playing the game by herself.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Putting on a Play
A month or so ago Sam's had LED Christmas lights, so I grabbed a box, thinking one box would be enough (I desperately wanted to switch to LED lights last Christmas but the only place I found white ones (I'm not a fan of colored lights on trees) the price was insane, so I stuck w/ regular lights last year. But was excited to find white LED lights at Sam's when the Christmas stuff started coming out this year). Then we had the whole tree fiasco, and I finally last night, set up our borrowed tree, and I was 1 strand short :( So, today I went to Sam's (needed eggs anyway)to get another box of lights (figured I could use the other 2 strands outside or on the banister or something) and they don't have them anymore :( They have 1001 OTHER LED lighting options, snowflakes, icicles lights, stakes to stick in your yard . . . I'm not sure what all, but NOT plain old tree lights. So I stopped at Walmart, and didn't find ANY LED lights there (they had the colored ones last year, just not plain white). So I gave up and came home. We had put off decorating the tree entirely too long already (& I'm not at all hopeful at finding white LED lights at a price I'm willing to pay anyway, so why put it off). So . . . I went looking for the non-LED lights to use for the final strand. The box that had the lights in it, also had the Veggie Tales Nativity that my aunt & uncle gave the girls for Christmas last year and the girls were thrilled to find it. Last year they didn't really get "role playing" in the sense of using puppets or whatever to act out a story, but now they do, and they know the story enough to (sort of) tell it from memory. So they set up a bunch of other toys as the "audience" and just finished acting out the Christmas story with the Veggie Tales set.
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